Sunday, July 31, 2011

Have you hugged your belayer today?

This was my weekend. Bruised knees, scraped arm, cut back and sore arms were my weekend. It was oh so worth it.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

I hate....

The feeling you get when it feels like everyone knows something you don't.

Mumford and Sons

Words of wisdom:
"Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I'm afraid of what I will discover inside
Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals
Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see
It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works."
-Roll Away Your Stone

Friday, July 8, 2011


Today I write this blog post with my drugged up dog laying on the floor by me. The poor thing had surgery today and keeps looking up and then passing back out again. It's strangely funny.
Well it's been no secret that my posts have been cryptic and different for a while now....but also few and far between.
This isn't because I don't love my dear neglected blog....but mostly due to the fact that while blogging is nice...all the posts I keep writing keep being filed away unpublished. I keep feeling like I need to live up to my English major status. That my writing has to be incredible or profound because everything I read is so incredible and profound.
Well I'm kind of done writing things to just decide they aren't good enough to live up to this idea of what I should be. Hemingway might balk at my humor....and Rand might not appreciate the sap factor of  some of my posts, but I figure if they had a blog...all of their posts wouldn't be incredible or profound. They weren't perfect either. Sometimes it's the flaws that are much more beautiful than any perfectly constructed sentence or misspelled word.
My absence has been a flaw as of late...where my blog is concerned at least. You see I've been out keeps happening so fast. I think a part of me keeps waiting for life to go back to the 'normal' snapshot of my life that it decided is the norm. No matter how unvaried my routine becomes these days, I keep wondering when life will return to normal. What is normal anymore? Was it the security of high school? It surely isn't right now as I watch my friends' lives unfold and move in lightning speed past my own. This isn't a race, but I can't help but feel that I have been left behind by it all.
I still feel like that awkward 16 year old girl, who wrote songs in her spare time and had big dreams. I feel as though the older I become the less smart I become. When I was 16 I knew everything. I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to get there.
I'm 20 now...and I know I don't know anything about life. I'm not sure where all that knowledge I used to have came from, but I've become careful and calculating in everything I do. I used to be fearless. But maybe that is what growing up is. It's changing and realizing the exact day that you became stupid. Maybe at some point I'll reach the day where I know everything again, but until then I'm going to hold on to the absolutes of my life.
There are so many beautiful absolutes. Things I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I know that if I hold on to these things life will work out no matter how fast I feel that it's going.
Life will continue to change and evolve. No day will be the same as another. As scared as I am of the future I know that I should be excited for it. There are some big things coming my way. It's time to let go of the past. Life is too amazing to waste it wishing for yesterdays.

Sunday, July 3, 2011


You would think that a full day of boating, wakeboarding and rock climbing would do you good.
I'm sure my metabolism is loving muscles on the other hand are not.
It doesn't really help that I'm a little sunburnt as well. Bring on the Ocean Potion Lotion.

The Story Of Us [Part Three]

I was sitting in my geography class in Logan when I saw your email. It was completely unexpected but nice to get an apology. Maybe you had gotten lonely out there in Ghana. So we emailed back and forth a little. You told me how you got to bathe with a bucket.
I remember the day very clearly. I remember looking at my phone incredulously and then feeling like I needed to be very careful with this. I knew you were on your mission. I knew it. Yet a phone message blinked on my phone from you asking me if this was still my number.
I thought maybe your older brother had gotten a hold of you phone and was enjoying the reactions of people. You would do that and I had never met your brother so I thought he might too.
It took you quite a while to convince me but I finally understood. After about six weeks in Ghana you were home because of medical issues. You always said I was very straight forward about the whole thing. Maybe I was a little rude asking you exactly why you were home right away. But you told me what had happened.
Then we started texting again. It wasn't nearly as much as before, but hey I had a boyfriend.
Warren Miller came. Oh Warren how I love thee. I loved it so much I went totally by myself when everyone else flaked out on me. You were rude enough not to even invite me to sit with you because you were worried about how it would look and how you family would act. I was so frustrated I didn't even say hi. I saw you though. I saw enough to see that you were ok, and reasonably happy. I could live with that.
It seems like every time we start to lose touch with each other somehow fate throws us back into each others' lives. That Christmas you were working on a UPS route. Out of probably hundreds of routes you could have been on, you were on the one that my house was on. Someone must have thought we REALLY needed to stay friends because right there we started talking again and you were coming to USU.
I was so thrilled to have another friend up in Logan, we seemed to pick up right where we left off.