Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Things we'd rather not speak of....

I have a dog. Her name is Ginger.
She's dying.
Today my mom called to tell me that the vet had finally found something wrong with her...we've been to two in the last couple of weeks.
She stopped eating on Sunday.
If she doesn't stabilize by Friday we have to make a very hard decision.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Beast

On the second day of school I re-discovered the BEAST. I seriously thought taking a class from her wouldn't be nearly as bad as I remembered it.
Oh wait....I'm stupid. It totally is just as bad as I remembered it. In fact it was a lot the same as I remembered it.
Plus I saw the people in that class and was reminded why I am not a creative writing major. Because I am only mostly weird, not completely weird. No wonder people think I'm crazy for being an English major....

"My syllabus is a contract, if you show up to class on Thursday I will assume you have agreed to this contract...."
Like I said. This lady....BEAST!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Story of Us [Part Six]

Our relationship has always been easy, we never have to think about it. It's always just worked for us. I thought being in a relationship might be weird for the both of us, but what I quickly discovered, was that it was just a great extension of our already strong friendship.
On our first actual date we went to a corn maze, and we got in big trouble for cutting through the corn. But everyone else was doing it....For the record that maze was built stupid.
For Halloween we went to Rock Haus and rock climbed. I don't particularly like rock climbing...I like it more now then I used to....but that was a great date. You always amaze me by how much you can do. Your upper body strength is incredible.
For my birthday you made me a quilt, which I loved. And for Valentine's Day we basically recreated our first date.
I think one of the things I like the best about us is how similar we are, in ways we never expect. I'm sure as life continues on we will find more ways we are similar that make us laugh because we thought we were the only ones weird enough to do those things.
I like that you take charge when we're shopping, and you carry all the heavy things and you want to do that. I like that you take care of me and that you know things I need often before I do, and you just take care of it all.
I'm still not sure how time with you can feel like a lifetime and yet only a few days.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


Oh what a wonderful thing.
Now it's just a matter of time. Keep posted.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Story of Us [Part Five]

It was kind of funny how things began to fall into place...with another boy. Not you. There was a bit of a weird energy going on between us.
I liked confiding in you. It was safe, and you're so great at giving advice and sometimes knowing just when to listen. So I confided in you about this boy. It was nice because I didn't have to worry about you judging or interpreting things wrong. We were just friends. Or so I thought.
It was labor day weekend. You were giving me a ride back to PG and I was going to go to Sniagrab. You looked at me in the car and you told me that you liked me. I was so mad at you. I had just been telling you about how things were so confusing in my love life and you had the gall to tell me you liked me. I remember throwing it right back at you saying, "I think you're cool and all, I just don't want to date you." You back pedaled so fast. You told me you didn't really want to date me either and all of these things. And I asked you what you were looking for in telling me you liked me. You said you didn't know. I could tell I had hurt your feelings, but most of me didn't care because I was just so mad at you.
I dreaded riding back with you that Monday, I didn't want it to be awkward. I needed you as a friend. I said some more really ridiculous things and I'm not really sure if I remember what they were. But they weren't true. Because by that point I knew I was just scared of telling you how I really felt. Which was that I liked you too, but I didn't want to.
I know what we said. But we didn't really act like we had said it. We hung out quite a bit, doing homework, watching movies and going to football games. Do you remember that football game where we stood close together because that guy kept putting his butt into you? I do....I remember feeling the electricity and how close we were. It was strange, and new and exciting. And then we spent the rest of the night on opposite ends of my couch watching a movie.
Do you remember the first time we hugged? It seems like such a little thing, but we were very much no contact. That was a big step. Albeit an awkward one. 
We were quite silly. But then there was one night, while things were already slowly changing for us, where I really needed you. I had just dealt with a lot emotionally. I was freaking out. I called you, and told you I needed you. I met you at your apartment and cried my eyes out.
You were such a gentleman, but I was so scared I had freaked you out. But you were patient and way more concerned about making sure I was happy. And then it kind of clicked for us. And that was when our relationship began.
The next day I got a text from you, "Are we dating now? Because I don't just cuddle with friends like that." I remember I was getting ready for school when you said that and I laughed. Best DTR talk ever.

Monday, August 15, 2011

On moving forward....

Sometimes I wish moving forward was more like time, slowly and consistently moving forward without any coaxing or pushing. Time moves effortlessly and without thought for anyone or anything.
A good friend of mine once said, "Time stops for no one, not even love." I interpreted that once upon a time to mean that time would move forward regardless of whether or not there was a deadline on your love. I see it more meaning that time doesn't stop just so we can figure our feelings out. Even if we feel like everything else in our lives are put on hold, time doesn't stop for love. Love continues and moves in ways that are unpredictable and are occasionally beautiful disasters.
Sometimes people leave our lives, and we feel as though our world will stop without them there. But it doesn't. We still continue to exist. Maybe that's telling of what that person meant to us. But maybe we're just stronger than we realize.
Letting go is hard, but holding on is harder. Holding on causes more pain to all involved. I didn't want to be that girl anymore. The one who selfishly held on as long as she could because she didn't want any bridges burnt. Letting go, closing that chapter of your life is hard. It is sad. It might make you cry, but the feeling of being free from every part of that which was holding you back makes it all worth it.
So lets push through this last bit of not knowing, the last bit of limbo. We're close.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Is that gluestick on my dress? Why yes it is.

My mother being in the primary presidency means that when they are completely out of ideas for someone who can sub a class I usually get asked to help out. I really don't mind, I plan on being a teacher anyways so it's worth it to me to go and do it a little.
Today I was asked to sub for the Sunbeams. I'm going to back up a little bit before I get into all of that though.
Megan and I first went to our singles ward...since I needed to pick up my recommend from Bishop Farnsworth anyways. We arrived a little early, seeing as we had to leave early to make it to our home ward. At that point I got a panicked phone call from my mom.
You see when I had pulled the Sunbeam manual out of the car the night before there was a picture frame of Jesus on top of it. I had already read through the lesson online and it seemed to me that the person I was subbing for had included that for the lesson. It did actually go with the lesson so it didn't seem like that much of a stretch.
The panicked phone call from my mother was because she could not find the picture of Jesus a little boy in the ward was supposed to be handed on the stand because he had just been baptized. I had accidentally stolen Jesus. So after figuring out a rendezvous point and being about 10 minutes late to my church....I got her the picture of Jesus in the nick of time.
Do you see how well the day was going so far? Well it went about that well during singing time and the lesson with the Sunbeams. They were running around and changing seats. The girls just wanted to sit on Megan's lap. Poor Megan, I had kind of been made aware of what I signed up for....Megan was just the friend that was awesome enough to come brave it with me. The kids were awfully cute.....just pretty much out of control.
We went on a walk....which was fine, except the kids kept trying to take off....and we made hippopotamus puppets that the kids chase each other around the room with.
And I have glue stick on my dress.
I'm going to count it as a success.

Monday, August 1, 2011

The Story of Us [Part Four]

I needed you so much more than I ever realized that spring. Tensions with roommates made life really difficult for me. It didn't help that the strain of another relationship coming to a close was really getting at me. I needed someone to be there for me, who I could complain to about everything, without being worried it would get back to someone or that you'd judge me.
You were that perfect person. Our friendship was the source of tension in my current relationship. It's because everyone sees things long before I do. But I was starting to think about you again....about possibilities. I was never interested in doing anything but I was thinking about all the possibilities that would open up to me when he left.
But then we had another stumbling block on the way. You were in desperate need of a job. I tried to get you one at Pinnacle which backfired. It brought out the worst in both of us. We were both wrong in some aspect.
After that, I swore I would never date you. I said there was no chance of an us. But then he left. Once back in Logan I found myself in need of a friend again, and there you were.
We met up in the Eccles Science Building, in my very favorite spot. We caught up, it was so good to see you. I was really concerned with whether or not you thought my new outfit was cute, or if you thought I looked good. But you did say it was good to see me. That's a lot more than you ever said before. I smiled to myself when you said that because I was thinking, Well, it's a start.