Merry Christmas!

I love Christmas, it's absolutely wonderful..the food is good, the company is great, and you get presents. What more could you want?
On Christmas Eve we always have this great bit party at our house with everyone, we eat dinner and hang out. It was especially great this year because both of my grandfathers proved that they are incredibly politically incorrect.
Lisa: "Oh I love Robert Downey, Jr., I would take him covered in mud."
Grandpa Rich: "Ew him! He's nasty!" (This is an 88 year old man...keep that in mind).

Grandpa Viehweg: "I really liked that movie, the Bucket List, and what was the negroe's name that was in it?"
Me: "Morgan Freeman?"
Grandpa Viehweg: "Yeah, him."
The entire table erupted into laughter.....
Grandma Viehweg with a death stare: "Don't you laugh at him."

Ah yes.....That is my family.
Then Christmas morning came....and I got some very cute clothes....an iPod touch...and a Panini Grill! I feel almost as cool as Megan Crosland now. I didn't even ask for the grill...somehow my parents....I mean Santa...just knew I really wanted one.
Merry Christmas!

I forgot just a few....

From Mark:
-Your friends only emotional investment in your situations is your happiness, trust them.
-Rainy nights are worth being made fun of for.
-Gender is relative to coherency (more for Mark...not so much for me).
-Lift rides can indeed be one of the best parts of skiing.
-"You suck" is equivalent to "thank you".
From Taylor:
- Coke fixes everything.

Things I learned from 2010

So as this wonderous year draws to a close, and I am totally sick because that's just what happens when finals week is over, I'm reflecting on all the lessons I learned this year. I believe life is about growing and progressing and this year has been a year of progress, and this is what I learned.

- Birthdays away from home on the first day of school suck, no matter how cute your outfit is.
- Even though you're not in high school anymore, people don't act like it.
- You can win a gold medal in a snowboard race.

- Friendships endure over space, time and occaisionally ill-fated romantic ventures.
- Brenda Cooper is the F word. (Feminist)

- English 2010 isn't worth your time.
- Flirting with boys and then finding out they're engaged...is a tad awkward.
- Steve wants to take you to the observatory....but only because Kuniko said no when he asked her. And then he asked Kayla after you said no....
- You can survive a car accident.
- Saying good-bye won't kill you.
- Delta airlines will get you home a day late when you don't have time to spare.
- You will act on emotional impulses no matter how hard you try.
- Sometimes giving someone a second chance is the best decision you'll ever make.
- You don't have it all figured out.
- Obama and Osama bin Laden are synonymous in International Politics.
- You will call Fidel Castro the bearded wonder, George W. Bush baby Bush, and George H.W. Bush papa Bush. Thank you Furlong.
- Grammar class will turn you into a Grammar Nazi.
- You will graduate from college in 2 years.
- It's ok to ask and accept help, especially when it comes in the form of Diet Coke with Lime.



- Working from home is not nearly as fun as working in house.
And I know there are many more lessons that I learned and have yet to learn, but all in all a pretty good year.

Hello Finals....sort of....

So remember how finals week usually sucks really really bad? Well this year, not so much. You see somehow I only ended up with two finals, a take home test, and a paper.
So guess what I'm doing all of next week? I'm going snowboarding. This is literally the best finals week ever. You want to know what the best part is? My two big finals are international politics and United States foreign policy so I pretty much only have to study for one test, since they're both on about the same things.
Yeah, life is good.
I do, however, have one way it could be greatly improved. Oakridge should really get rid of the black ice in the parking lot. I was walking to the shuttle yesterday morning and then I slipped and fell. Not only do I have a massive bruise on my side and elbow, but there were a lot of people standing in line for the shuttle and they all saw me. I'm so uncoordinated.

Malware....

So once upon a time I was working, and not being the most diligent employee...seeing as I was surfing the net in between calls...when suddenly this nasty program HDD Diagnostics installed itself on my computer.
So I turned my computer off. When I turned it back on the malware was still running and giving me some weird errors and asking me to pay a bunch of money. It's a really good thing Mark was available to come and save the day.
Since his dad is a computer engineer, we were in pretty good hands. We removed the malware...did a system restore back to a day when we knew the system was clean, and then reran the malware scan.
Unfortunately, the malware somehow crippled my Mcaffee making it pretty much useless. When I tried to uninstall and reinstall it, Mcaffee couldn't do it. So rather than messing around in the registry trying to delete files I just decided to purchase a new antivirus.
I've now go Norton, which Mark and his father inform me is better than Mcaffee anyways. But I'm pretty happy with it so far and my computer seems to be up and running normally again. Thank heavens.
And that is why I didn't blog until today, as I couldn't get online because I didn't really have any protection. I just love computers sometimes.

Because I should have said....

So I live in Logan....so when it snows...it snows A LOT. I drove up early on Saturday to miss the storm that came through...the storm that dumped 9 inches on little Logan. So my car was effectively covered and thanks to Oakridge's snow removal, completely stuck in the snow.
This isn't too big of a problem since I very rarely drive anywhere in Logan, but Taco Tuesday was approaching and I would need to dig my car out at some point. I don't have anyway to dig my car out. This was a problem.
Mark came over to my apartment to hang out..but I kicked him out a little after 10 to finish some homework. As I was reading all about counterinsurgency I heard scraping of a car. Being naturally curious as to why anyone would be scraping off their car at 10 o'clock at night..I looked outside.
Lo and behold Mark was scraping off my car. He even had a shovel and was digging the snow out from behind my tires. So I grabbed my jacket and walked outside. I opened the door walked about halfway down the steps...Mark looked up....
"You suck," I said. Yeah, I know, hardly the appropriate response. But really Mark was digging my car out for me. He didn't have to do that.
And that is why I'm writing this blog post, to publicly show everyone how awesome Mark is...and to say THANK YOU! Since I probably should have said that....and not 'You suck.'
Besides, Mark said that it was supposed to be a surprise for me and I kind of ruined it by being curious.
In other news, I had a funny in my international politics class today that made me laugh quite hard.
Professor Johnson was talking about counterinsurgency and said, "Obama....Crap I always do that.....Osama Bin Laden...."
The entire class erupted into laughter. Yep, that happened.

The Beav Opens December 3

This makes me SO happy.

Duet

So I've kind of been freaking out all night long. I had choir practice...which was fine. Then ward prayer....also fine. But then choir pianist asks me and Christy if we want to do a solo for the Christmas program....we both laugh and tell her that's a really funny joke. She wasn't kidding.
We're both pretty nervous about this....so we ask...if we can just do a duet and presto! Christy and I are doing a duet. Yay.
WTF? How the heck did this happen? I'm in ward choir. I fly under the radar, and magnify the only calling I have in this ward...and what happens..I'm in a freaking duet. I think the last time I did something even remotely like this was back in like my sophomore year of high school. Megan Crosland and I..and I think some other people sang a round in some program of some sort....but yeah that's really the last time.
Yeah....I'm freaking out. Good thing I found the music online and I'll be playing it...a lot. Here goes nothing.

Spring 2011 here I come!

I am officially registered for next semester. This is very exciting and I am very proud of this feat. I actually mean it was a feat since I got into Shakespeare....even though he's thoroughly over-rated.
So the official class list:
Word Writers (This probably means I'll be reading Tolstoy. Kill me now.)
Young Adult Literature (I bet I already own all the books that I'll need for this class.)
British Literary Histry Anglo-Saxon to 18th Century (Yup, John Milton...here I come.)
Shakespeare(Alright, I'll read "The Tempest" and I could totally do "Othello" but if you make me read Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet I swear I'll kill myself.)
And here's the clincher.......drumroll please.....
American Constitutional Law. This class just sounds big important and hard. I'm secretly giddy about it! I feel so cool saying it. Come on say that and not feel cool...I dare you.
Anyways, spring semester here I come!

Thank you Summer Finn

So as many of you know...I love 500 Days of Summer. So one of the many times I was watching the movie...and I saw her paper crane tree in the scene where Tom goes to her house for the first time.

So I've been talking about doing it for a long time, but I finally made my very own. I went to hobby lobby and bought all the supplies.

So then not only did I buy all the supplies....I demonstrated my awesome paper crane making skills. I made a lot of paper cranes until I found the size that was just right for my tree. Then I attached some cute ribbon to the cranes and they were ready to hang....but I needed to find a branch! 

Then I attached some cute ribbon to the cranes and they were ready to hang....but I needed to find a branch! 

Mark and I went and to a park and looked at branches....until I found one I actually liked. It was pretty cold...then we speed away in hopes that no tree huggers busted us for tearing apart a tree.

And there it is. The finished product. I'm so unbelievably proud of this. Thank you Summer Finn.

Lie to me by John Allred

Looks like a midnight drive might save my life tonight
Because I almost gave up I've had enought of taking sides.
I'm waiting for an answer so please don't leave my side.

Can't you just lie to me and tell me that everything's alright?
Can't you just lie to me so I can make it throught the night?

Your brutal honesty will take its toll on me
because I've got a heart that's falling apart as we speak.
I'm waiting for an answer so please don't leave my side.

Can't you just lie to me and tell me that everything's alright?
Can't you just lie to me so I can make it throught the night


Because I never have you and never know the truth
Go on ahead and I'll pretend that we have never met
And I'll forget how terrrible this town was when you left.

Can't you just lie to me and tell me that everything's alright?
Can't you just lie to me so I can make it through the night.

Primary

Every single time I come home I somehow manage to get roped into teaching primary in some capacity. No joke. I'm not necessarily complaining here...because Relief Society makes me feel awfully old, but not nearly as old as primary...since the kids actually tell me I'm old.
So today I was flung into primary with at least a little bit of notice. My mother has been somewhat sick the past few days, and today was no exception. She had just told Cheryl Hoyt she would teach since Ashley just had her baby (YAY!).
My father already has a primary class of his own. I don't think he would ever say anything, but he secretly misses being part of the bishopric. So that left me to teach. So I did.
Today was Daniel and the king's food. It was a nice short lesson relating Daniel and the Word of Wisdom. The kids were bouncing of the walls, but adorably so.
In singing time....Melissa asked me to help lead the round of a song. I have no musical experience whatsoever...well that's a lie. I have some...I just hate leading. Good thing the kids had no freaking idea what the right way of leading that song looked like.
Oh and church was also worth it for this little gem from Fast and Testimony Meeting,Jackson King, you make my life:
"And I believe we all need to repent, because nobody wants to go to hell."
Dang straight kid. It may not be the best thing to say from the pulpit, but I agree with you.
And that was my Sunday.

Happy 100!

Yup this is it...the 100th post. I'm oh so very proud.
So today I was at the mall looking around in Tai Pan Trading for a decorative pot....I'll explain that later.
Anyways, I was looking around and this very strange girl walks up to me. I was a little confused, and she says, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," I say totally unsure.
"Do you model?" she asks.
"Uh...no."
"Well....would you like to model? You're so pretty!"
I'm thinking WTF? So I try to be nice, "I don't live here. I live in Logan...which is about two hours away."
"Oh that's ok! You just have to come in for a quick audition in Salt Lake. You're just beautiful and I think you would be a good fit. Can I have your number?"
Yeah I gave her my number. I was taken so off guard. This kind of thing doesn't happen to me. Ever. I felt bad for her,  but I will be turning her down when she calls me on Monday. Still just makes me laugh and kind of weirds me out.

Hmm...now that didn't seem quite right....

I've had quite the eventful day today. Since it's Thursday and I apparently needed it.
This morning I woke up, ate cereal....pretty normal. In fact, it was pretty normal until about the exact moment I lifted my shampoo filled hand to my head and said, "OW!"
There were shooting pains suddenly shooting down my neck and back. I got very dizzy at this point....and got the nice little stars shooting across my vision. My thought process was crap...if I pass out in the shower and hit my head...people might find me...and that could be awkward. So I made it my personal goal from that moment on to get some clothes on.
I did that...it took about 25 minutes because I couldn't seem to lift my arm above my head..but I did that. I'm fairly proud of this actually, and at this point I figured I was decently prepared to seek some medical attention, albeit informal.
I didn't think it necessary to go running to the ER...but I did tell Mark of the malady(yeah I thought of Harry Potter when I wrote that word too....) and he contacted his medically inclined family. There's quite a few of them.
It was a pretty wide consensus, that though painful this was not all that uncommon. It's probably just a knot sitting close to a nerve and will eventually work itself out.
So I've been fairly drugged up all day long. Which is fine, but I do occaisionally feel weird tinglings in my right arm and some numbness which causes me to worry just little bit.
Needless to say...I didn't make it to international politics today. I did, with some help, make it to literary analysis. And by some help I mean Mark driving me to and picking me up from said class. Not that my legs don't work, but riding the shuttle usually requires holding on to a bar that is quite high for me and would hurt pretty bad to attempt at this point.
As the day wore on I felt slightly better, I even cooked dinner....as well was brownies. So I'm just hoping that whatever this was is gone by tomorrow so I can resume daily activities and actually make it to class.

Things I need....

Warren Miller was bad for me. I have a much longer list of things I need since watching that. It's really not healthy for me or my bank account.
1. Snow. Yup that's right. The number one thing I need is snow. Severely tempted to find somewhere enough snow to snowboard and take a roadtrip there. Any one with me?
2. A new back pack. You know so that  I can carry all the stuff I need when I go Heli-Skiing. You need a lot.
3. New gloves. My other ones are kind of hashed. It's bad news when you're shopping for gloves and getting excited.
4. A new iPod. I need some serious tunage. Most people will be very surprised by the fact I've been surviving on a 512 MB iPod shuffle since July. Have I died yet? No, but I've definitely lost part of my soul.
There's a lot of other things I could use right now. It's a good thing I have quite a bit of self control....otherwise Gringotts (yeah I named my bank account that) is seriously going to run dry.

Frenchies + Nertz + Warren Miller = EPIC

Warren Miller in and of itself denotes a tone of reverence to be used when referring to it. I suppose you could liken it to a spiritual experience, I know I'm a little sacreligious, but that is just how awesome Warren Miller is.
I didn't work that day...which was nice because I probably would have been crying on the floor about wanting to go if I had been working. So Mark and  I hung out for a little while, watching funny Youtube videos etc. and then Mark's sister and brother-in-law, Amy and Jake (remember the buttjuice?) came up to join us.
We went to Village Inn which was pretty fun, especially because we got the kiddie menus and had races to see who could complete the activities the fastest. Pretty sure Amy won every time. I was a close second on the word search though.
Jake is colorblind, so Amy keep giving him brown crayons and asking them what color they were. Then she threw in a red one and he thought it was green. It was kind of funny to watch. And we colored on the kiddie menus. Yup, four fully grown adults playing with the kiddie menus. That's the way to do it.
Then we all ordered frenchies...which is a french skillet...this is apparently Warren Miller tradition that I have now been introduced to. It would have been better without the peppers and onions (I like onion rings but not onions....go figure), but other than that I loved it. Plus I had a really fun time.
I also learned that even though you watched someone mistake the lights for the windshield wipers and made fun of them for it, doesn't mean you are immune from that same mistake. I didn't make it...but others did.
We arrived very early to the Kent Concert Hall...so what do you do? Well you sit in a circle and play nertz in line. Yup, we did that. People just stood around watching us...it was my first time playing and I sucked it up. I'm going to blame that on Mark's lack of explaining skills. I'm pretty sure he didn't tell me anything besides how to set up the cards. Then he told me to turn two of them over....when I was supposed to turn all four over. Anyways I was very confused. And Amy won...shocker.
After a good hour or so of card games, we finally got our seats and filled out our slips for the drawings. Jake has never won and he's been going to Warren Miller for about...20 years or something crazy like that. This year he won. He got a pair of socks, some headphones and a boarder kit....he's a skier. He didn't even hear what he had won he just started screaming and ran up excitedly to claim his prize. He was by far the most excited person there.
And of course the movie was awesome, I'm still having dreams about snowboarding...except for the one night I had the really weird dreams after watching the original Casino Royale. By the way that's a weird movie.
Like I said, pretty dang epic. So ready to do it all over again next year.

Amazing

I don't understand this word.

Nothing like finishing at....1?

So I had this little 12 page paper due...well later on today actually.
How long have I known about this....well um....since the first week of the semester actually. Did I do anything with it until tonight? Nope not a chance.
There's something strange that motivates you when you know you HAVE to get it done. When you don't have to get it done then you don't try. I promise, I didn't try until tonight.
I feel like I have a pretty well done paper on the Israel-Palestinian conflict, plus I feel pretty proud for finishing.
Now should I really be on my blog at 1:15 a.m. Probably not. Oh well. I have been neglecting this thing the past couple of days. I promise I have a few funny stories I will at some point have to put up. Someday when I find time....yeah that'll happen.

Your Hand in Mine by Allred

This is pretty  much the entire reason I bought this album. This song is incredible. You can hear it here.



She feels the wind blow wherever she goes,
And it's been so cold all these days.
She took my hand when she was abandoned,
Like I would understand when she'd say:

"Don't give up on me now," she said,
"Don't give up on me now."
Oh no

She searched for sunlight it seems her whole life,
She's been caught on the dark side so many years.
She looked in my eyes and saw the sunrise,
But she's been so blind she can't stay here.

"Don't give up on me now," she said,
"Don't give up on me now."
'Cause we'll make it out somehow,
With your hand in mine.
With your hand in mine.

She feels the wind blow whereever she goes,
And it's been so cold all these days.

Once upon a time.....

I lived in the days full of high school angst. With boys that broke hearts, and some best friends who decided never to take crap from anyone. I made a rediscovery of this yesterday in the form of Unwritten Sympathy.
My favorite part is still the rambling on prom night where Kait and I were both a little bummed we didn't get to go. At 16 it seemed pretty important.
Oh what those 16 year old girls didn't know.
Kait would eventually end up with Casey....but then life would happen and of course it wouldn't work out.
Morgan would still be a douche...he probably isn't today, but he's imprinted in my mind as such.
We would eventually go to way more dances that we really wanted to. So missing prom really wouldn't seem like a big deal.
We never did anything else with Unwritten Sympathy...mostly because we moved on and lived our lives.
Kait would still be in love someone who didn't know it. I would deal with things totally unexpected....at least to me.

And we would still be best friends more than three years, several hundred miles, and lots of broken hearts later.
Love ya Kait!

Diet Coke with Lime

This was left on my porch. I'm pretending to be pissed. It actually makes me VERY happy.

Institute

For those of  you who have never attended this wondrous place, I really suggest you try it out. There are a few things to note, however.

1. It is not Seminary. There is this blonde girl (which I assume is a freshman) who seems to have missed this memo. You see, she likes sharing a lot...but never anything of depth just stupid little seminary things or quotes she was handed back in high school. She's very loud. She also doesn't really have a sense of what is and is not appropriate to share in class. Today for instance she took out her camera and was showing some pictures to her friend. Mark and I just look at each other both thinking, "WTF?" Brother Evanson notices and asks her if it's a camera, she says yes and proceeds in explaining that they are pictures of her dog JingleBell who has a purple cast on it's leg. I'm not sure how that relates back to the worth of souls...but I was pretty annoyed.

2. You will hear about marriage. A LOT. Remember back in high school seminary where your teacher was like, group date! Now they're all saying MARRIAGE! Mark and I have a bet some class periods of how long it will take before Brother Evanson brings up marriage. Usually it's closer to the first minute and a half. Brother Evanson was a mission president out in Georgia. A lot of the boys in the class were missionaries out there. So Brother Evanson is distinctly interested in making sure they get married off. It doesn't help  that we have a slightly annoying married couple in our class that only talk about how they knew they were going to marry each other. I feel as though in the church married people should be segregated. Like in institute. Oh and maybe the other couple that scoots their desks right next to each other and stares into each others' eyes all class shouldn't be allowed in either.

3. Even though your class is titled D&C 1-76 or BOM 1 Nephi-Alma 30. You won't make it to D&C 35 or even to Alma. And then when you take the preceding class for BOM, you won't make it out of Alma. Be prepared, it is slow going.

Don't get me wrong. Institute is really great and I fully encourage any one you can go to do so. Just saying that it's a little different. And maybe that poor girl in my class will figure out that she's in college and when we're laughing about your dog breaking its leg...we're really laughing at how stupid you are for sharing it.

Ward Choir

So I don't know if I've told many people what my calling in my ward is....It went a little like this.
"Sister Rich, we would like to extend the calling to you to be the ward organist," said Bishop Beck.
I sat there for a minute taking that in, "Well that's great....but I don't play the organ."
The bishopric starts laughing at me, "I'm just kidding, we would like you to be a member of the ward choir."
That's a calling? You mean you have to call people to be in the ward choir? That's something I've never heard. So my calling is to be a member of the ward choir.
Today was my first choir practice.
I walked into the chapel feeling a little weird as I was one of the only people still dressed up...it's in the chapel guys....you're supposed to be dressed up in there. Oh well, the director is this squeaky red headed kid that gets really excited about well, everything.
I'm an alto, sort of. Meaning I can't actually hit the high notes the sopranos can, but I suck at finding the alto part in hymns.
Well I did try. And I think that if we were playing guitar hero...I probably would have passed. Or at least I hope so. I'm definitely not a singer. Love to sing...suck at it. The squeaky kid says that it doesn't matter what we sound like as long as we bring the spirit. Well I agree with that to a point...but the spirit has ears too.
This choir is pretty legit. They've pretty much written this whole arrangement from scratch and have written the transitions themselves. It's really really pretty...I just hope I don't completely botch it. 

Bus Crash

There's this bus crash in my head. It's a sick symphony of crashing and rolling with metal jutting out, crunching, bending. I'm not exactly sure what causes the crash. I just know that the bus begins rolling down a steep hill one sickening hit at a time. When the bus stops rolling the metal groans and moans as broken glass sprinkles to the ground. There's not one person in the bus. Not one. But I'm sitting there. In my bus seat watching the walls cave and glass break around me.
This symphony of catastrophe resides in my head, putting a visual to every awful thing that has ever occured in my life. This intertwining of all that is awful replays in my mind every so often. Sometimes as the bus crashes I can smell the scent of airbag dust from my car crash. Other times in the windows I see desperate phone calls or hear the pleading the voices around me.
My bus crashing isn't nearly as catastrophic as it could be. That's because most of these awful things come to an end. The bus stops rolling. The metal ceases moaning. I emerged from the bus crash, not unscathed. That would be too much to ask, but with a knowledge and a power that I can get through it.
Sometimes if you're lucky and let the right people in, when your bus is crashing, they allow you to sleep safely through it. So that you can emerge with a numbed sense of what occured. It doesn't change that it happened. It just means that you felt safe enough with them to share in the pain; let them see exactly which windows broke, which metal beams bent. Sometimes the bus crash leads to this. So that makes the crashing worth while.
Everyone has a bus crash in their heads. Everyone watches it happen at different frequencies. I could see mine this week and not again for several months or years. For some the bus crash is almost and everyday reality. There are those who never talk about it. You see the crash behind their eyes and you want to reach out and help them. You can't help if exhausting all you have on them crashes your bus though. Some things are bigger than we are. We learn as we go, and maybe someday that bus makes it all the way up that hill without crashing down to the bottom, and instead of a sick symphony Metallica blasts out of the windows. That's happiness.

Few of the Furlong Variety

Just a few quotes from Professor Furlong:

"Then the bearded wonder took over Cuba."

"Kennedy got himself assasinated, so we got a highly qualified man named Johnson for President."

Today I actually like that class.

Do you know what today is?

Today is the Utah State vs. BYU. Here's the deal...BYU has been sucking it up...and we've been doing pretty well. So what do you think tonight will bring? WE WILL BEAT THEM!
 GO USU! That's all.

Bleeding by May Swenson

Stop bleeding said the knife

I would if I could said the cut.

Stop bleeding you make me messy with the blood.

I'm sorry said the cut.

Stop or I will sink in farther said the knife.

Don't said the cut.

The knife did not say it couldn't help it but

it sank in farther.

If only you didn't bleed said the knife I wouldn't

have to do this.

I know said the cut I bleed too easily I hate

that I can't help it I wish I were a knife like

you and didn't have to bleed.

Well meanwhile stop bleeding will you said the knife.

Yes you are a mess and sinking in deeper said the cut I

will have to stop.

Have you stopped by now said the knife.

I've almost stopped I think.

Why must you bleed in the first place said the knife.

For the same reason maybe that you must do what you

must do said the cut.

I can't stand bleeding said the knife and sank in farther.

I hate it too said the cut I know it isn't you it's

me you're lucky to be a knife you ought to be glad about that.

Too many cuts around said the knife they're

messy I don't know how they stand themselves.

They don't said the cut.

You're bleeding again.

No I've stopped said the cut see you are coming out now the

blood is drying it will rub off you'll be shiny again and clean.

If only cuts wouldn't bleed so much said the knife coming

out a little.

But then knives might become dull said the cut.

Aren't you still bleeding a little said the knife.

I hope not said the cut.

I feel you are just a little.

Maybe just a little but I can stop now.

I feel a little wetness still said the knife sinking in a

little but then coming out a little.

Just a little maybe just enough said the cut.

That's enough now stop now do you feel better now said the knife.

I feel I have to bleed to feel I think said the cut.

I don't I don't have to feel said the knife drying now

becoming shiny.

Gaff of the Day

It's official. I'm worse than Joe Biden.
Today I was talking on the phone to a sweet lady who told me that her daughter had just been married.
"Congratulations!"
"What?"
"Congratulations on your daughter getting married."
"She didn't married. She was murdered on August 10th."
"Oh....I am SO sorry."
Murder...marriage...it's all the same right? Not.

Coming Full Circle

I remember back in high school sitting in newspaper. Mrs. Shelton had just showed us the beginning and end of Signs, and asked us how they tied together. Of course we talked about that for a second wondering how on earth Signs related back to journalism in any way. Then she explained to us that the reason we felt so complete at the end of this movie, was that it all came full circle at the end.
I've been reading a lot of realist works from the early days of American literature. For example, Daisy Miller: A Study, by Henry James, The Awakening by Kate Chopin, and Yellow Wallpaper by Susan Gilman. All good...all have a distinct flaw for me. They just end.
I guess I've been feeling like a piece of American Realist literature, kind of just ending. I'm still exhausted by work and school and things. But maybe I need to bring things more full circle now. Maybe that will help the confusion and other things in my life. Who knows? Worth a shot right?
Enough with the heavy....now for a funny....
We were talking about the fashions of the Victorian Era etc. in my American literature class....and then Dr. Funda says...."Suddenly...the 1900s rolled around and OH MY GOSH....I can see her knees!" Apparently, back in the day...knees were sexy. Some of you might understand that joke.

Debating Reputation

I love my American Literature class. My dear professor, Evelyn Funda, is one of the most hilarious people I know. The class mostly consists of debating fictional character's reputations. Was James' Daisy Miller a slut? Some say yes, and others say no. So what do we do? We put her on trial.
We also sing the song, "Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places" during class. Only we change the words so we actually are singing "Looking for MEANING in all the Wrong Places" as we discuss Edna Pontiellier's mental state.
Yup, this is a good class.
Also just a short shout out to Mark who informed me of this gem:
"It literally took me like 10 minutes to find the game day shirts. I think I win the idiot of the day award." The actual mental image of Mark wandering around the bookstore looking for the game day shirts is what really makes this funny. For the record, the game day shirts are ALWAYS in the same spot. For at least the past 3 years. Just sayin.

Butt Juice

Mark Poole and I are best friends. The following story is why:
It was Labor Day and Mark was giving me a ride back up to Logan from Pleasant Grove, like the good friend he is. When he asked me for his help in pulling a great prank.
He and his sister and brother-in-law, Amy and Jake respectively, have a running joke about butt juice.
So Mark made his own. You'll have to ask him for the full recipe, but I'm pretty sure it went something like food coloring, water, garlic, and a myriad of other nasty things. He placed it in a Simply Grapefruit juice thing with ribbons and a really great bag.
So here's what we did. Amy and Jake have never really met me. So I decided to go knock on their door and introduce myself as a member of the Relief Society and present them with the bag.
Mark happened to know that the RS of their ward had been trying to track them down since they had recently moved in. So I went and knocked on the door.
Jake answered and I started talking, "Hi, my name is Kaitlyn(Yes Kait I stole your name.) from the Relief Society. I just wanted to drop this by and welcome you to the ward." I handed Jake the bag.
"Well thank you," Jake replied.
"You're welcome, sorry to drop by so late!" I said with a smile.
Jake nodded and seemed to be trying to get rid of me, "Not a problem. Thanks for coming by."
I was really really excited and started bounding down the steps to Mark feeling kind of nervous because I had just pulled off something as awesome as that. I, in my klutziness, started falling DOWN the stairs, but caught myself. Luckily.
Mark laughed. I think I might have punched him. Probably.
We sat there for a minute waiting for Jake to run out screaming at us because the tag said butt juice...and Mark had artfully used toilet paper instead of tissue paper.
Jake didn't so me and Mark went and knocked on the door. Jake just laughed. We visited and laughed about the situation, and then me and Mark continued on our way to Logan.
Good times.

The boys have gone...CRAZY!

There's something kind of strange going on. It must be in the water. The boys have gone completely crazy.
No boys ever paid THIS much attention to me. I keep looking in the mirror wondering if I look slutty or something. I don't...so what IS going on?
Far too many boys have taken up confessing that they like me in a very short amount of time. It kind of blows my mind.
So what could be the explanation of this weirdness? The boys have gone crazy. Period.
Does this add confusion to my life? You betcha. Do I ever have anything good to say when this happens? Nope.
Some of the best lines...
"But I don't want to date you!"
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
"You're a little intense sometimes."

Why do these things come out of my mouth when stuff like this happens? It's just uncontrollable. My brain is just banging it's head against the wall screaming, "STUPID STUPID STUPID." It usually isn't until at least ten minutes later that I figure out I said something bad.
Whoops.

Quebec. May Swenson. Grammar. Croatia.

My professors are pretty dang funny...without really meaning to be. I appreciate these little gems none the less.

"The taxes from the rest of the provinces in Canada pay the welfare of Montreal," said a random boy in my class.
Professor Johnson, "Wow...that's awkward. No wonder Quebec didn't actually split from the rest of Canada. I kind of expected riots or something when the vote kept them as part of Canada. I was thinking come on people MAKE SOME NEWS. But hey...at least their cheese is better."

My literary analysis class is taught by Professor Crumbley. He's in love with May Swenson...a dead poet. At least I'm pretty sure the shrine inside the Ray B. West building was built by him. Plus he like fawned over her desk...and his hand lingered a little too long on her signature.
"Professor Crumbley? Why is May Swenson lying on a leopard print sheet on the cover of her book?"
Professor Crumbley....*crickets*.

Grammar is always pretty dang fun.
"Is expectably a word? I don't think so. This is why I'm your grammar professor."

And one last gem of the day:
Professor Johnson, "Suddenly Croatia decided they were going to declare their independence and Germany recognized them as a state immediately. We're kind of friends with Germany so we did too."

Oh education..gotta love it.

Taco Tuesday

I love Taco Tuesday. Not only does it bring the deliciousness of cheap Cafe Rio food, but yesterday it brought the fun that was Brad Francis.
My dear friend Brad is hands down one of the most hilarious people I know. And this was the first time we've ever hung out.
He brought his roommate Brady (?) along with him and that just added to the hilarity of the night.
There's just not the much to do while you're hungry and waiting in line for delicious food. If you don't keep each other laughing there's a huge possibility that your friend my decide to eat you. Not really, but when you can smell all the wonderful food and you have to wait in line for 30+ minutes, I'm sure it's a temptation for some.
After dropping Brad and Brady off...I tried to get everything into my apartment. I suck at this. I dropped my diet coke in my car...which spilled. So I had to clean that up. Then I locked my car and realized that somehow I had left the lights on.
So I had to unlock my car to turn off my lights and I dropped my ranch dressing on the asphalt.
Cafe Rio ranch is like gold. I was devastated.
Confession: I picked it up off the ground and still used it. Only some had squirted out.
Then I couldn't unlock my door to my apartment and Taylor had to come rescue me. I was going to try and make it to the outside movie...but I didn't.
It was somewhat frustrating, but still a good Taco Tuesday.

Allow me to introduce....

My new roommates! I've only really spent a day with them, but we all get a long really great and they're great girls. I'm feeling like I upgraded quite pretty well from last year.
First, Alicia. Alicia is blonde like me, but way more outgoing. Everywhere we go people know her and she knows exactly who they are too. I don't think I could keep track of that many people the way she does.
Next, Taylor. Taylor has a boyfriend named Zach that she's known for about six years but they just started dating. Totally twitterpated. It's cute.
Last but definitely not least, Mykelle our little freshman. She hates that she's the freshman in the group, but I had to say that to bug her. She's absolutely gorgeous and way nice. I'm sure these three girls will sucessfully fill this blog up with all of their funny stories.
We actually went together to Sig em up Sundays. Which is an ice cream social thing at the Sig House. It was really fun and I met a lot of nice people and got to tour the house. Good times.
I love Logan.

Are you sure you want to do that?

So....Friday night, I went on a date with subway sandwich boy. Where to begin...well how about chronologically?
First, Rhett suggested we go see Charlie St. Cloud...which I said wouldn't be a good idea not because I don't like that movie, but because I always cry in it and I was sure he would take advantage of that.
He then suggested New Moon, which I agreed to mostly because the time worked out the best.
So his car had broken down, and I picked him up, and met his parents. Which was a little awkard, but I was ok with it.
When he said goodbye to his mom I felt way bad, because he said bye to her like he might never see her again. Sad moment.
Then we went to the movie. He really wanted to hold my hand...OBVIOUSLY. My hands were folded the ENTIRE time. Until he finally relaxed somewhat so that I could too. His hand this one time hit the armrest really hard and really loudly. I wasn't going to say anything, but I started laughing and he knew I had seen it.
The movie part was actually pretty nice. We laughed at the movie, and we had a good time.
Then we went and got ice cream at Macey's and talked for like and hour and a half. I feel like I got a much better feel for who Rhett is as a person. He's a really amazing person.
This next part I'm going to blame on my stick shift car. My hand has to be on the gear shift most of the time...because I have to shift. It was just sitting there...more poor little hand completely unprotected. Then he took it!
Me in all of my brilliance chose to say, "Are you sure you want to do that?" I don't really remember what he said, but I know that my mouth was just gushing words uncontrollably and intelligably. I did manage to get out, "I need to shift now." And I took my hand away.
He didn't try to take my hand again after that. I felt bad that I had kind of shut him down, but there were all of these emotions swirling around in my head. Did I want him to hold my hand? There were just a bunch of weird things going on. I didn't know how to handle the situation.
Then in his drive way he did this weird car hug thing. But I figured since we weren't at his door step I was safe from him trying anything else that I might not be alright with on a first date or with him. Confusion.
You know what this boy did? He kissed me on the cheek. You know what I said to that? "You're a little intense sometimes."
Huh? What the crap is wrong with me? I was really thinking I would be able to say something more coherent than that.
He then got out of the car..and I drove around for like twenty minutes trying to figure out what was going on. It was really confusing.
I'm still pretty confused about this whole thing. I feel like this whole thing has move a little too fast. So I'm slowing it down...oh and I'm up at school and I really feel like I need to be single right now.
Oh my days....what a life I lead.

Puking Words

Sometimes I feel like my mouth moves way quicker than my brain does. Today I said something that was fairly inappropriate....
My old boss at Icon Security didn't have part of his arm, his name was Matt....and he had this friend that pretty much copied everything that he did. His name was Aarron.
Well one weekend Matt went off and eloped....
A few weekends later so did Aarron.
So today at work Braden made the comment that Aarron would pretty much copy anything Matt did.
I concurred with this statement by saying, "If Aarron could have cut off part of his arm, he probably would have."
Which was actually pretty funny...because it was fairly accurate.
It was a pretty awful thing of me to say though.
So Matt and Aarron....who don't even know of this blogs existence....I'm very sorry for my comment.
But it was still funny.

In other news, Rhett's mom is in the hospital, keep her in your prayers.
Because of that unfortunate fact Rhett was not at work today. Oh, and he added me on Facebook and I just figured out that Monday was his birthday. Either I'm unusually non-observant or he never breathed a word about it to me. I'm thinking the latter. I would totally hit him, but his mom is in the hospital and I have a feeling I shouldn't do that.
I'm a little confused on how I feel about this boy right now though....I went from thinking I just wanted a date...to actually being interested in this boy. Not in a serious kind of way, but in a we'll see what happens kind of way. So...we'll see what happens.

Just another Wednesday.

Are you asking me for my number?

Oh it was yet another exciting day at Pinacle Security. Today, Rhett (Subway sandwich boy) asked me for my number.
First he asked me when I was moving to Logan and then asked if he could still email me when I was in Logan. I said he could, but then we realized my hours weren't that great.
Then he threw in this little gem, "Is there any other way of contacting you?"
To which I replied, "Are you asking me for my number?"
I'm sure he could have said a whole myriad of things that could of qualified as smart alec-ness, but he just said, "Yes I am."
So I gave him my number and he began texting me. Good times.
Any chance a date is in order for this week?
Well...I did let him know I was fairly open as far as my schedule went. But his car just broke down. We'll see what happens. Makes me laugh really hard.

WHAT? They don't have JOY?

Saturday night I was somewhat bored, made worse by the fact that I had deep cleaned my room all day long. So me and my mom went to the mall to do some school shopping and of course we had to stop at Target on the way home.
After browsing through the organizational pieces that interested me, my mom says very loudly in front of a Target employee, "What else were we here for again?"
"I think we got everything, mom," I replied.
"No we came here for something else!"
We really didn't, but she decided to just stand in the aisle figuring it out. I on the otherhand stood there awkwardly while this african american boy, braids and all stood laughing at the two of us.
When I had finally pulled my mother away we went into the dish soap aisle to buy....dish soap. My mom stopped and looked at me and very seriously said, "WHAT? They don't have JOY?"
That boy was pretty close so I just rolled my eyes, "Mom just buy some Palmolive or Dawn. There's not a whole lot of difference."
Then my mother considered to stand there trying to figure out which dish soap to buy for about five minutes. All the while the very same boy is stocking the shelves in the aisle we're in.
We FINALLY walk away, and my mom says, "That boy was checking you out."
"No, mom. He just thinks we're retarded and have to think about dish soap for ten minutes."
"Nope, I think he was checking you out."
That would have been somewhat alright...if the boy had been cute. But this boy wasn't cute. So I'm still kind of surprised she went to those lengths because she thought I was getting checked out.
Oh dear.

My Reeses Moment

One of my favorite candies are Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Yum. They have just the right amount of chocolate mixed with what is the BEST peanut butter ever. They're probably really bad for you, but I absolutely refuse to look at the calorie count. That would just ruin it for me.
Anyways, while at work I got this ridiculous craving for a Reeses. I was running a training group and we were resourcing (Basically we just sit in the room with the trainees and talk, but answer any questions they have too) so I decided to go to the vending machine and buy myself a Reeses. As I walked into the rec room headed toward the break room, there was this cute boy I had seen a few times having a meeting with his coach in the rec room.
This boy is very attractive. He rides a motorcycle, he has a pretty good sense of fashion (for a boy), and an adorable smile. I know if I was not marrying Shaun White, I would most likely marry this boy. I thought he was pre-mish, just because he is so cutely awkward, but after some shameless Facebook stalking this boy graduated in 2006! He's old! He is also an RM. What a plus!
Back to my story....I was walking into the break room and I looked at this boy, he looked back at me...and then I bought my Reeses.
That was our moment.

It is raining...candy?

Do you remember Subway sandwich boy? Well...we're friends now. I should probably start using his real name...which is Rhett. Anyways, he likes to throw candy over the cubicles at me right?
Well he tends to also come by everyday to tell me bye. Which is a little weird....but Braden finds it pretty funny.
So today Rhett comes and says bye, but stops for a moment to chat with me. (P.S. My desk isn't anywhere near the exit...actually it's in the opposite direction)
"Ok I'm out of here," says Rhett.
I look up to see his hand basically in my face, so I give him a high five, "See ya tomorrow."
Braden chimes in, "Bye!"
"Uh...so I can't share my candy anymore," Rhett says.
I laugh, "I'm sure I'll survive without it. No worries." This kid is a serious enabler of my chocolate addiction.
Braden looks really upset, he is benefitting quite extensively from my candy throwing friend, "Why not?!"
"Rayna wants the candy just to be for our row," Rhett explains.
I shrug, "Sounds reasonable. I think we'll be just fine."
Braden doesn't look like he's going to be just fine, but Rhett looks to me and says, "Don't worry I'll still give you some." And then "shhhh" motion. I'm not sure if there's a verb for that. Anyways....this kid leaves and I'm like dying of laughter.
But then Braden and I started thinking about this....Why is this boy coming over there to tell me that? Braden thinks he just wanted to start a conversation of some sort. I think he's right, but I also think it was a test to make sure I wasn't using him for candy.
Once I said this, Braden agreed. But I apparently passed the test. Braden says I am using this poor boy for candy.
I am not. Candy is just a really good plus in our friendship. I wouldn't say no if this boy asked me on a date either...luckily I'm out of here in a week. So I can escape this whole...I don't want to seriously date you because I'm really just not that interested in dating right now plus I need to be single this year going up to college, which could be fairly awkward. And would inevitably come up if this boy did decide he wanted to date me.
If he even is thinking about that. Which Braden says he is. Which I kind of think so too...good thing I move out of here in a week.

And now for an update...

So remember that one story I told you about the boy and the Subway sandwich? Well he caved before I even bought him the sandwich. Plus he gave ME candy! Yup, I'm good.
So now you're probably dying to know what Alex said about me that was so secret. Well I am actually sworn to secrecy. Not really, but I'm pretty sure that because this is a public forum and could possibly get back to him...seeing as though I am a public follower of his mission blog. So if you really think it will be life altering to hear what the secret was...feel free to email me. I'll tell you.
Anyways, I've been ridiculously sore the past couple of days. Why? Well I wakeboarded on Saturday. I did alright...I mean not great but I at least got up. So I went again today with Sami Dodson's wonderful family. Guess what? I got up first try. Oh and I carved....can you carve in water? Well whatever I was doing it felt like snowboarding. And I went out of the wake. I'm really cool. Yes, I am.
It rains candy at work. The Subway sandwich kid, Rhett, throws candy over the cubicle wall at me. This would be super cool except I probably shouldn't eat that much candy. So I secretly share it with my friends on my row.
Today the phones were down for about 2 hours, and I was talking to Rhett. It was kind of fun because he gave me a Reeses candy and we decided we were friends, but I told him about my book. I didn't get to go into detail on it, but seemed to think it was pretty cool.
I'm not sure why I've always thought it was some deep dark secret that I was writing. I guess I just didn't want to be like the people who flaunted it...like I'm writing a book...look at me. It's not very good...yet and I see that. But it's not something I plan on keeping secret anymore. I am writing a book and I love writing. It's part of who I am. I might as well share it, right? Well in a humble way.
Today was a good day.

Dinner with Old People

I love my grandparents, I really do. My grandma could do with some loosening up though.
Tonight we were discussing where we should go for the big trip next year. Someone suggested Las Vegas.
"Now what would we do in Vegas?" My grandpa asked.
"Well...there are plenty of strippers grandpa," I replied.
Hmmm....was this really appropriate for my 82 year old grandfather? Probably not. He laughed. The look on my grandma's face. Hilarious.
I laughed for a minute and then went back to eating my salad.
Just another night with the fam-dam-ly. Or the other way around....

I hate.....jean shopping.

I love shopping. Don't get me wrong. I love trying on clothes and feeling cute. I do....really.
But jean shopping sucks. Maybe if you're tall and a perfect size 2 it's not that bad of an experience. Jeans will fit you anywhere. Lucky you.
I am 5'2". Jeans don't fit right. It is abnormally frustrating trying to find a cute pair of jeans that fits up top and isn't ridiculously long.
My mom's solution: "Why don't you just grow a few inches?"
Gee thanks...if only I had thought of that! Let me just turn on the little switch in my brain that makes me 5'6" and head to bed. Tomorrow I'll be normal sized.
That would be nice, but now. I'm stuck in American Eagle asking for a 4 Short.
"Oh we don't have those in that wash. You'll have to like order them online. Are the regular ones really like long on you?" asks the bubble gum chewing sales associate.
"No I like my jeans to fit like floods. You see I live in Logan and I really hate that ring I get on my jeans when there's salt on the ground."
Apparently sarcasm is a little over this poor girl's head. I'm sure her career at American Eagle will be quite rewarding.
Anyways...I ended up in Gap trying on jeans. Which felt and looked great. Problem? They're $60 bucks. Those jeans are cute. But I'll save twenty bucks and shop somewhere else.
Jean shopping ruins my life.

Everyone Has Their Price

Oh the beauty of bribery. Everyone has their price, the offer that is just too good to refuse.
For a boy at work it was a Subway sandwich...although if he assumes that because I'm buying him a sandwich it's a date, I might have to rethink this.
So what were the fateful events that lead up to the Subway bribery? Well let me just tell you.
Me and my dear friend Shannon were on break eating our lunch on a busy training day. Shannon brought yogurt and didn't have a spoon. So she used her yogurt lid. The creativity of this girl astounds me.
Shannon is in process of turning in her mission papers and was telling me of where she would like to go if called stateside, "I think it would be way cool to serve at a church site, like Nauvoo or Independence, Missouri."
I responded, "Oh I have a friend serving in Independence, but he's in Kansas most of the time and doesn't spend a whole lot of time in Independence."
This random kid just walked up and sat down at our table. Shannon apparently knew him because she said, "Hi, Rhett."
This was interesting to me. I had recently received an email from this boy. He had told me that I had spoken with a customer and that they wanted to talk to me. I had responded with a not so nice email telling him he should have taken care of the issue. (Which he should have, he was newer and didn't know.)
"Oh, you're Rhett. I think I sent you a mean email," I said.
He looked a little surprised and said, "Wait, you're Mikayla?"
"Yeah...sorry....I wasn't trying to be rude. I just had gotten like three emails just like yours and I was a little bugged," I apologized.
"Did you say you had a friend that served in Independence?" He asked.
"Yeah I did. His name was Alex Nicholes. Did you know him?"
"Yes! He was my district leader in the MTC!"
I stopped and did some quick math....Alex had been out less than a year. Meaning this boy must not have been out very long. He immediately realized what I was thinking and added, "I came home for medical reasons about three months in."
"Oh that sucks, I'm sorry. Yeah, Alex and I were best friends."
His eyes immediately got wide and he was staring at me with new found recognition, "You're Mikayla!!!"
"Yeah...pretty sure we established that a few minutes ago," I said.
"No, Alex talked about you all the time, he was so excited to get your letters!"
"Wait, what?"
And then with the realization that he had said too much, he immediately stopped talking. When pestered further he revealed that he was sworn to secrecy. To which I responded by saying, "Name your price."

Now, does it really matter what Alex said? Not really. Could I ask Alex about it? Sure. But is this way more fun? Pretty much. Besides maybe this boy's information is worth a five dollar footlong.

Motivation....

I don't have any.
No, really I don't. See everytime I sit down in a great writing mood to finish what is sure to be the next great American novel somehow...I can't do it.
I putz around with a few sentences until they sound just right...but I can't get anything of real substance to come out.
Why is it whenever I actually have time to write, I have no motivation to do it? But when finals week rolls around and I'm super stressed I suddenly have so much to say? This is not ok.
Micheangelo did not finish the Sistine Chapel while trying to write a five page paper on the grammar of Lega.
Oh, and I know Emerson was not trying to come up with a good thesis for his sociology essay when he was writing.
Or maybe....these guys were geniuses and made it just fine flunking out of college. I can't do that...so I'll just have to deal with having no motivation right now. But you can bet that as soon as I have a big paper due...I'll have plenty of motivation.

High Heels, Sidewalks...If you love me, SpoonMe!

I had quite the eventful Saturday night thanks to my best friends Kait and Hayley. Unfortunately, Hays had to bail early due to some packing/hanging out with dad time. We love her anyways.
First we hit up a wedding reception, which was more of a high school reunion/ward gathering for me. But that's cool because the food was good and they had Diet Coke. That's all you need at a wedding reception.
But this wedding got me thinking and here are a few of the criteria that I expect at my own wedding:
1. My honeymoon will be somewhere with snow. I have to snowboard. (I'm marrying Shaun White. This one is obvious.)
2. The food will be awesome.
3. There will be dancing to Frank Sinatra, and possibly some Metallica. Can you dance to Metallica? Hmmm....Head banging will just have to be expected.
4. I want to ride away from the reception on a motorcycle, with a side-car. Only Mr. Right/Shaun White will ride in the side-car. I will drive.
Yeah that's a pretty good list for now.
After the reception (which I took a huge tangent from with my list...oh well) Kait and I decided to go to Spark in Provo. And the doors were locked. That was weird because I called...and they said they were open. Kait is weak. So we sat in my car for like 20 minutes because a cop, who was pulling someone over was blocking us getting out. Kait took pictures from inside my car. I felt like a spy.
Then we got lost trying to find SpoonMe. Well not too lost. Because we found it! It was quite yummy and we got to enjoy talking...a lot. We talk a lot. It was good. But we're going to have to go to Spark sometime really soon.
All in all a pretty dang good Saturday night!

What? Overtime? 8 hours? Ok....

In the spirit of keeping busy, I was asked to help with the mentor program at Pinnacle this week. I accepted, and then was asked to work a few hours in the morning before mentoring started.
Overtime pay is time and a half. So, naturally, I accepted. Money is money.
I had Friday off, but Kathleen wanted me to mentor on Friday too...I'd already picked up about 5 hours of overtime so working Friday would mean getting Saturday off.
Not so much. They really wanted me to work Saturday too...so they approved 3 more hours of overtime. Bringing me to 8 hours.
Well I'm kind of stupid. This is a lot of work. 9 1/2 hours a day is kind of crazy.
Oh and I'm going crazy too, just in case you wondering.
I check the mailbox even when I KNOW there's not going to be anything there. This is really pathetic.

Bernieres Got it Right.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. - Captain Corelli's Mandolin

The Sky Explodes

I have a lot of awesome to share this week. Because I got 3 letters, bought a bunch of cute clothes, and really feel like I need to share an awesome song with you folks.
It's called Avada Kedavra by The Age of Rockets. Yes they must be huge Harry Potter fans.

Well you're not brave if you still keep the letters,
And you're not sane if you don't wanna get better
And you're not drunk if you can't stay in your lane, no.

Well you're not awake, but you haven't been sleeping
And you hate God but you don't believe in him.
And you're not scared but you still have your eyes closed.

The sky explodes and only you know.
The sky explodes and only you know.

Well it's not fixed if you love it broken,
and your cell phone is at the bottom of the ocean.
And you're not drunk if you can't stay in your lane, no.

Well you're not brave if you're naked and the lane shifts,
you're not lost but you're missing your exit.
And you're not scared but you still have your eyes closed.

I want you to worry when I don't call you back.

They sky explodes and only you know.

Listen to the song here.

A week goes by....

Holy Crap...It's Thursday. I never thought today would come. Tyson has been gone about 8 days now and I'm doing fine. Wait let me check my pulse....oh yeah I'm still alive, him leaving didn't actually kill me.
I've already gotten 4 letters though. Which pretty much makes my life. Hahahaa. Yeah we're not really missing out on communication which I thought we would. Although his hoodie he gave me smells a lot more like me and a lot less like him. Is it bad I want to steal my brother's Hollister cologne and put some of it on the hoodie...Tyson never wore that, it just smells really good....
Big news!!! I found a job in Logan. Well it's more that I get to keep my job from down here all year long. Which is awesome! I'll just be working out of my apartment and I need to buy my own landline, but that really doesn't matter. I'm so excited. I can't even imagine what it would be like to actually have money while living in Logan. I'm going to be RICH this year. Well not really. Still have to pay my parents off for the car. But still. It's more money than I had before!

Pathetic...

You know you're pathetic when....

You check your phone even though you know he won't be texting or calling...

You constantly check GoogleTalk...because he'll get on soon....not even...

You checked the mailbox just in case...even though he probably got your letter today.

Everywhere you go you take notes of things you want to tell him....but you can't.

You sleep with a death hold on his sweatshirt.

And when you're alone you write posts like this. Is it really only day 2?

Oh I guess that's why...

So today Tyson went into the MTC which successfully equals me not seeing him for two years...unless he comes down with some serious disease like cancer or something. I doubt that. He's never sick like that.
Tys and I talked on the phone for the last time right before he left and he said something that I now totally agree with. I'm not saying I regret any part of our relationship, we wouldn't trade that. But what we're both going through right now is the reason everyone says not to have a girlfriend when you go into the mission field.
I'm still not really sure I've accepted the fact he's gone. I keep checking my phone....nothing. I get on my computer and check my chat...nothing. I keep thinking of things I need to tell him and music to show him...and he's not here anymore.
I'm not trying to get the pity of anyone here...all I'm saying is that this sucks worse than I ever thought it would.
731 more days until he gets home....this is going to be a long two years. Kill me.

I'm not quite sure what to call this...

Most people are just about as happy as they decide themselves to be. - Abraham Lincoln
Lincoln had a pretty good point here. I guess a lot of times we don't always have the control we would like over our emotions. Jealousy is one thing I'm praticularly prone to; even when it doesn't make any sense to me.
I've always been a big admirer of the people that are always happy even when they have no reason to be. Life can get frustrating and things tend to fall apart, but it's all in the way we handle things. I don't have a lot of patience for the people that decide they can't be happy, because it's just that, a decision.
Being happy is not when your bank account reaches a certain amount, or a destination. Being happy is a decision. So life can kick you down and run all over you, but you can still be happy.
I'm not saying you need to be an eternal optimist, that's actually kind of annoying. But decide that you can be happy whatever happens. Thats the key.

High School....I don't really miss you. I just miss seeing everyone every day.

So on Thursday all of us (being the group, collectively) went to cheer Uli on at his Futsol game. And it was great because it was just like the good ol' days.
Kait said, "You buy it I'll blow it."
To which Jordan screamed, "DIRTY!"
To which Kait rolled her eyes, "I meant the blow horn."
Only with our group of friends would this be an every day occurance and one to laugh at hysterically. That's why my blog is titled that's what she said.
So I don't really miss high school, but I'll admit that I do miss seeing these guys every day and doing fun stuff with them. Why do we have to grow up?
Oh and could it be warm rain this weekend? Please????

So you remember that one time...?

So you remember that one time when my boyfriend Tyson was going on a mission? Yeah not for a while.
Yesterday morning Tyson got surgery to remove a bone shelf and some polyps from his nose (sort of like having a rhinoplasti...but not quite). His family had called the MTC last week to clear him for going in even though he was going to get surgery. They said it was OK. So he got the surgery.
Today, his dad called the MTC to arrange the post-op appointments and stuff like that. The MTC was like you didn't tell us you were getting surgery....
Turns out they talked to the medical office that deals more with insurance than the actually medical crap. So they didn't really talk to all the people they were supposed to.
Next transfer date....July 21st.
Tyson was not happy with that so they're going to fight this a for a while. So I get to go be emo again in about 3 weeks.
It's strange because I was secretly hoping something like this would happen....but you don't say that....and then it does...Now I'm like maybe I should stop hoping for stuff like this to happen.
Just when I thought I had this whole mission thing under control. I guess it just all works out for the best.

It's alright, It's alright, It's alright...

My dearest friend Kait reminded me in her blog post of just how much I love the song "Hero" by Regina Spektor. It's a good song for right now.
Something changed last night for me. I don't know exactly what it is but suddenly I just wasn't sad anymore. Tys and I were just talking because Jordan opened his mission call (He's going to Tulsa, OK on August 4th) and he was driving me home.
Suddenly we said goodbye and I wasn't on the verge of tears like I had been all weekend. Did I just randomly get over it? Because I'm kind of sitting here like WTF? What happened to me being all torn up about this? Not that I mind...it's just strange to be feeling one way and then to suddenly feel different.
I'm not sad. I'm not over the moon happy either. I'm just here. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm really confused. I'm not asking for the sadness to come back I'm just wondering how it got the heck out of dodge so fast. That would be a nice little thing to turn on and off whenever I want to.
Maybe I'm just dealing with things finally. I like dealing. Maybe this is a good thing.

Life Goes On

A friend of mine once said, "Time stops for no one, not even love. Where we feel that it is being neglected, it's really just creating more love for the 'right time', a time that hasn't come yet, or maybe it already came. Of course, when you least expect it, but you secretly needed it the most."
And she would know. Time doesn't stop...it keeps on rolling at the same speed it always has. We think it moves fast or that it moves slow, but in all reality it just ticks by....tick...tick..tick....
Two years will be two years, I can't make it go faster or go back to make this time before the goodbye longer. But why would I want to? If I haven't learned something today then the day has been wasted.
Life goes on. We can't stop it, and we can't speed it up. Tick....tick...tick....
I'm not who I was yesterday or two days ago. Who we are never stops changing. I think that's the key, we constantly changed and adapt. Worse things could happen.
Two years is two years....and it'll consistently go by...tick....tick....tick....

My apologies

Geez that last post was a little heavy. I'm feeling much better today so yeah. Happy Memorial Day.
I worked out in the yard and just kept thinking that maybe if I'm really lucky I'll get a tan. That would be cool. I'll even take a sunburn at this point.
Today is supposed to be a totally epic movie making day. So far we haven't even started. This is quite unfortunate. I'm thinking we'll get to it...eventually. I wish American Eagle would ship the order I put in on Friday. I really want my new cute clothes.
Oh and I did a photo shoot this weekend, thanks to Kait. Here's my favorite so far. Eventually all of the pictures will be up on her blog kaitlyn.waters.photography.blogspot.com. Check it out!!!

And then it hit me...

I've been doing pretty well with this whole Tyson leaves in 2 weeks thing...until last night. I think last night was the first time it really hit me that he's leaving.
I keep trying to figure out why it's taken me this long to realize that he's leaving. Maybe this is just my way of dealing with it. I just keep pretending that I can just drive up the road and be at his house. I'm used to not seeing him in Logan, but he's always here in PG.
I know him going is the right thing to do, but I can't help but feel selfish about it. Most of me doesn't want me to go, but the wiser part understands.
I just keep trying not to think about it and at the same time I think to myself is this the last time we'll talk about this? Is this the last movie we'll go out to?
I keep trying to hold myself together and so far I've been fairly successful. Until last night when it hit me. He's really going to be leaving.
Of course there are going to be the things I won't miss, like how he can be a really big grump sometimes...but other things I know I'll miss. Like our talks, how it feels when he subconciously takes my hand when he's driving, how whenever I'm tired and say carry me he takes it way too seriously, or how he calls me Tumblina.
I'll miss more of him being my best friend than anything else. How we can tell each other everything, how he knows me better than I know myself, how well he can read me, and how he knows exactly what I'm trying to say even when I can't convey it. We have tons of inside jokes that no one else will understand.
Yeah I think I might have been better off pretending that this wasn't really happening....

You know you're getting old when....

I know I'm getting old when the first thing I look at when I see a cute boy is his left hand.

I need two hands to count all the people I know that are getting married.

I work 8 hours a day and have to worry about saving for college and paying off a car.

I realize he's leaving for 2 years.

Some days I'm marriage hungry.

Other days I have other things in mind.

I've been dating the same guy for a year and a half.

People at work think I'm 25.

I only have 2 years of college left then I start my career.

I read 17 magazine with Kait to learn how to flirt, but then we end up laughing more about "touch me gently".

How did this happen? When did I grow up?

Summer...At Last....

So yeah I love Winter...but I also really hate being cold. So I'm very much excited for this wondrous warm weather.
So far I've only been home 2 weeks and I feel like I've packed in quite a bit of stuff:
1. Buying a new[er] car!
2. REAL Game
3. Working 40 hours.
4. Lots of movies.
5. Iron Man 2 (it was so awesome it got its own number on the list)
6. Helping Kait out with some photo shoots.
7. A Little Ceasar's run...with Jordan, Tys and Uli...."HEY! Is that PIZZA?"
8. Baseball games.
9. A mechanical crack addicted baby.
10. Sitting out in Kait's front yard.
11. A baby shower.
12. Being asked to join the Pinnacle Pirates Softball Crew.
13. Mother's Day Extravaganza.
14. Subway with the girls from work.
15. "Oh....that's how you work the sun roof....MY SUNROOF OPENS!!!"
16. And you know there's been so much more....
I'm loving summer..now if I could just get a tan!

Totalled.

Well it's official. I'm an idiot. It started off as a clear sunny day which makes me much more of an idiot. I was just driving along up to Logan like I always do, and there it is. Somehow I managed to rear end a car.
My car was fine. Except that the airbags deployed. Which is kind of an issue. Cosmetically? It's fine.
What sucks is that my car is now totalled. The repairs for the airbag deployment? 2800-ish. My car is worth about 1500.
After crying and being shock for about an hour and a half after the accident, my parents came to rescue me. I keep trying to tell myself that this is going to be ok. But I don't really believe that anymore. I'm in Logan, without a vehicle. Which is fine except that I now have to rely on everyone else for anything.
I'm trapped. I've can't get a loan because I don't have a job. So I can't buy a car. Even in august/september when I might have worked long enough to qualify for a car loan, I have to leave my job to come to Logan. Where a job isn't guaranteed.
I don't have the money to just get a junker somewhere. I need about two grand which I don't have right now, nor will I have any time soon. Maybe my parents can help me out. But this wasn't how it was supposed to work. My car was going to last at least for the summer and into the fall when I knew I had a job in Logan so that maybe I could buy a car.
My savings is dead....thanks to college. So what do I do?
Should I come up here next year? I mean a car might be doable if I can somehow keep my job at Pinnacle all year.
I need a car or access to one. I just don't know what to do. I break down I could handle. My car is totalled. And I'm feeling pretty totalled too.
Just get me out of here or give me a solution. When it rains, it pours and I'm sick of it. I can't handle this.

Plasma Center Health Crisis

You know you suck at life when a man at the plasma donation center tells you he doesn't like your veins. I'm pretty partial to my veins. I think they're pretty hot, personally....but obviously this "medical professional" did not.

"You can only donate out of your left arm. I just don't like the veins in your right arm," he said.

I had a Baby Mama flashback to when the doctor says he doesn't like her uterus...

Anyways, I decided to donate despite that my left arm is my only "good" arm.

My first donation went without much of a hitch...I mean I almost passed out, but I'm told that's pretty normal for first time donors.

So I went back for the second round....and this is where it sucks.

The first poke:

So he stuck me in my left arm with the massive needle which I hate. That is my least favorite part of donating. The guy decided after inflicting incredible pain to me that it would be cool to point out that if I looked at the blood in the tube I could see it moving because it was my pulse. Which is probably really cool to him, but it makes me feel pretty sick.

Anyways, apparently something was wrong because my blood wasn't flowing as well as it was supposed to have into the machine. My technician dude, Clayton, seemed to think that the needle might have been in too far. So he pulled it out a little bit, which didn't feel very good. When that still didn't work he decided to grab someone higher up than himself to look at it. After wiggling the needle around under my skin they finally realized that Clayton didn't get the saline in fast enough and that my blood had clotted in the needle. I'm going to attribute this to his whole idea that pointing out my pulse to me was "way cool".

Apparently the blood flow was good enough to get plenty of blood in the bowl so they had to figure out a way to get my blood back to me otherwise I would be deferred for 8 weeks. They decided to take a look at my right arm.

The Second Poke:

"Well the veins in your right arm look fine to me," said Lara the new more experienced girl that was looking my arms over. "Is it ok if we put the needle in your right arm?"

"Sure," I said, I just figured that a little bit more pain was totally do-able right? Better than being deferred for 8 weeks for sure. So they poked me in my right arm and that went just great. In fact they got all my blood back to me too. They also decide that my right arm did so well that I should be able to donate from that arm and they decided to just finish the donation process with my right arm for the day.

I was excited that things were finally going good I just laid back and relaxed while watching The Karate Kid.

My first draw was complete and the return was starting. I was just breathing deeply because I always get a little lightheaded after the draw. I felt something kind of warm which is weird because the saline is really cold. I looked down at my arm and blood is streaming down my arm. I look to this technician right there and trying to not be completely panicked I say, "This isn't normal!"

Either I wasn't very successful in not being panicked or this chick needs to pick another career path because her eyes get wide and she says, "Holy Crap! I can't take care of that." And runs to grab someone who can take care of it.

So now I'm with this new technician guy...I didn't catch his name but he stops the machine and cleans my arm up for me. He then explains that either the needle went all the way through my vein or while it was returning my blood the vein exploded.

He then proceeded to ask me if I was in pain. To which I responded no, because I felt alright.

At this point I'm starting to feel REALLY light headed. He's pretty dead set on getting my blood back in me and finds some other vein in my left arm he wants to try out.

The Third Poke:

"Are you feeling daring?" the technician asks me.

That is so not a question you ask someone who is experiencing quite a bit of blood loss and they just want their blood back. Besides I know nothing about medical crap why ask me?

"Uh...ok," I say.

This technician then decides to insert a third needle into a very small vein in my left arm. I turned away during this process because like I said I hate being poked.

After I am certain the needle is safely in my body I look to him and ask, "Did you get it."

He looks at me grimly, "Afraid not."

I then look at my arm which has some strange bubble coming out of it.

"What is that?" I ask.

"That's your blood, I infiltrated the vein."

Infiltration? That's just a nice way of saying 'I'm an idiot and I totally cut your vein in half'.

This is the point where even the stupidest of technicians has decided that they're not going to be able to get my blood back to me. Keep in mind that my little blood bowl is full which is around 20 oz. or so of blood which is not in my body.

The technicians are getting a little worried about me because I've lost the color in my face. I couldn't really talk much at this point because I wasn't feeling very good. They just hooked me up the the blood pressure machine and talked about how low my blood pressure was and how high my pulse was. There wasn't much they could do. They elevated my feet and put an ice pack behind my head. I was kind of used to that since it happened the first time I donated. But then they wouldn't let me leave when I finally felt somewhat better. I just had to lay there.

They were nice enough to bring me some crackers and a capri sun to force feed me. But I did feel much better after I ate and they finally paid me and allowed me to go about an hour later with some pretty strict instructions to eat every 3-4 hours that I was awake, drink tons and tons of water, no exercising for 72 hours, and to lay down when I got home. Oh and I was deferred for 8 weeks. Not that I'll be going back. EVER.

Well I got home and felt pretty sick, even after eating and wanted to pass out. They also said that would happen. It kind of sucked, but what sucked more was that my arms were now killing me because they were bruising.

I went through like 3 bandages in my right arm because my blood wasn't clotting very well. It probably didn't help that every time I bent my arms it kind of stopped it from clotting, but it's hard to function without bending your arms.

Well it was a pretty exciting day at the plasma donation. I've included pictures of what my arms look like now, which are pretty sad.

Anyways I survived my plasma center crisis and I almost feel normal today and by tomorrow all my blood will be replenished. Gotta love it. Oh and of course I get to look like a heroine addict for the next few days which is always fun.

New Blog

For all intensive purposes...like making money...I'm kind of putting this blog on hold. I've switched to Tumblr and I update there a lot. I'm using adsense in some attempt to make money...cuz yeah it's kind of fun. I've made almost 5 bucks thus far. The point is that I'm going on hiatus for a little while...like 2 more weeks. However, in the meantime check out my other blog musicmakestheworld.tumblr.com. I would love it if you stopped by. Post a little...look around...and in the words of Arnold Schwarzenagar....I'LL BE BACK.